Whitney, on transmitted diseases

So we are sitting around playing CatchPhrase and the phrase is “Mononucleosis”. The clue given from Whitney’s team is, “The Kissing Disease!” Whitney, in all her wisdom, shouts out…
“HEMROIDS!!!”
Only if you’re kissing ass, Whit. Only if you’re kissing ass…

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Whitney, on test scores

So we are sitting around talking about I.Q. scores and I mention that the GT Score from the military ASVAB is supposed to be close to your I.Q. Whitney asks if that stands for “general test” and I reply it’s more of a general knowledge score. Whitney, oh so intelligently, replies,
“Shouldn’t that be “G.N.” score, then?”
Mom snaps her head around and says, “No, Whit, that would be “G.K.”!”
Way to go there, Ace. Spelling FAIL.

Whitney, on ancient foot practices

So we are sitting around talking to Bryon’s brother, Evan, about the shoes he wants to buy. Whitney spout off this gem:

It’s like what those Chinese-Swedish people would do. They’d cut their feet off so they could fit into clogs!

Wow. Just… wow. I’m not sure where she get her information, but just for the record, there definitely was no foot removal going on to fit into clogs. Ever. Wrapping of feet, sure. Little bit of difference. Anybody else see a trend here? Whit seems to have a little trouble defining the difference between minor alteration/surgery, and the extreme other side, which is complete removal. LOL

Whitney, on Jurassic Park Martinsburg

So Whitney drives downtown to pick up mom for lunch.  As they’re nearing the junction of our King and Queen streets, Whitney comments on the reconstruction effort going on there at the city square.

They’re making Martinsburg prehistoric again!

Just so everyone knows, you should probably steer clear of downtown Martinsburg.  There might be a Tyrannosaurus Rex running around with a goat chain hanging out of its mouth.  Or maybe a pack of Velociraptors.  Don’t hide in your kitchen… they can open doors.

Whitney, on medical procedures

So the other night, I was hanging out with the family up at Bethesda hospital while visiting Uriah.  Whitney proceeds to tell us a story about an incident she witnessed while down at Virginia Beach last week.  Now, the incident itself was really pretty horrible, but Whitney’s response was priceless.  She tells us she saw a guy (who was standing) elbow a woman (who was sitting down) in the face.  Apparently they were having an argument.  Now, Whit probably would have done something about this, except she was in the car with friends on the way to a church function.  Here’s her reaction:

If I was that woman, I’d have circumcised him right there!

Now, because of the speed with which Whit was telling the story, it took us a minute to realize what she had actually said.  When my girlfriend, Ashley, pointed it out to the group, we lost it!  In between our laughter, we asked Whit if she meant to say, “castrate” instead of “circumcise”? Whit, bless her heart, said,

Whatever, they’re pretty much the same thing!

Tell that to the guy having the procedure done, Whit!  If I take my little boy after he’s born to be circumcised, and the doctor castrates him and says, “Oh, well, they’re basically the same thing,” I can tell you there will be hell to pay!

Whitney, on adult movies

So the other night Whitney and her friends are watching that “Limitless” movie.  In the movie, there’s a drug called “NZT48” that gives you total access to your brain, basically.  Well, after the movie is over, Whitney says,

I need to get some NC-17!

I’m pretty sure if Whit did get her hands on some NZT48, it might just bring her brain up to par with the rest of us.  Just sayin’… 🙂

Oh, and Whit… that’s inappropriate.  😉

Whitney, on not quite understanding Mexican food

As usual, Whitney’s friends ratted her out.  So they’re at dinner down at VA Beach, and they’re having Mexican food.  The waiter asks Whitney, who ordered a chimichanga, what kind she would like.  She replies,

Flour.

I’m pretty sure the options are beef or chicken, fried or soft.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, so then she continues to order her side dishes and orders,

…rice and french fries.

Now, that would be fine, except that she definitely meant to order “refried beans.”  Those are similar, right?  One is made of potatoes, one is made of beans… hmm… that’s not the connection.  They both have “frie…” in the name?  That must be it.  Keep trying, Whit.  One day you’ll learn how to order off the Mexican food menu.  🙂