Whitney, on Jurassic Park Martinsburg

So Whitney drives downtown to pick up mom for lunch.  As they’re nearing the junction of our King and Queen streets, Whitney comments on the reconstruction effort going on there at the city square.

They’re making Martinsburg prehistoric again!

Just so everyone knows, you should probably steer clear of downtown Martinsburg.  There might be a Tyrannosaurus Rex running around with a goat chain hanging out of its mouth.  Or maybe a pack of Velociraptors.  Don’t hide in your kitchen… they can open doors.

Whitney, on medical procedures

So the other night, I was hanging out with the family up at Bethesda hospital while visiting Uriah.  Whitney proceeds to tell us a story about an incident she witnessed while down at Virginia Beach last week.  Now, the incident itself was really pretty horrible, but Whitney’s response was priceless.  She tells us she saw a guy (who was standing) elbow a woman (who was sitting down) in the face.  Apparently they were having an argument.  Now, Whit probably would have done something about this, except she was in the car with friends on the way to a church function.  Here’s her reaction:

If I was that woman, I’d have circumcised him right there!

Now, because of the speed with which Whit was telling the story, it took us a minute to realize what she had actually said.  When my girlfriend, Ashley, pointed it out to the group, we lost it!  In between our laughter, we asked Whit if she meant to say, “castrate” instead of “circumcise”? Whit, bless her heart, said,

Whatever, they’re pretty much the same thing!

Tell that to the guy having the procedure done, Whit!  If I take my little boy after he’s born to be circumcised, and the doctor castrates him and says, “Oh, well, they’re basically the same thing,” I can tell you there will be hell to pay!

Whitney, on adult movies

So the other night Whitney and her friends are watching that “Limitless” movie.  In the movie, there’s a drug called “NZT48” that gives you total access to your brain, basically.  Well, after the movie is over, Whitney says,

I need to get some NC-17!

I’m pretty sure if Whit did get her hands on some NZT48, it might just bring her brain up to par with the rest of us.  Just sayin’… 🙂

Oh, and Whit… that’s inappropriate.  😉

Whitney, on not quite understanding Mexican food

As usual, Whitney’s friends ratted her out.  So they’re at dinner down at VA Beach, and they’re having Mexican food.  The waiter asks Whitney, who ordered a chimichanga, what kind she would like.  She replies,

Flour.

I’m pretty sure the options are beef or chicken, fried or soft.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, so then she continues to order her side dishes and orders,

…rice and french fries.

Now, that would be fine, except that she definitely meant to order “refried beans.”  Those are similar, right?  One is made of potatoes, one is made of beans… hmm… that’s not the connection.  They both have “frie…” in the name?  That must be it.  Keep trying, Whit.  One day you’ll learn how to order off the Mexican food menu.  🙂

Lindsay, on how babies are made

So we are talking about an old family friend who had triplets. Lindsay asks,

Was she on fraternity treatments?

Um, sis, I’m pretty sure you meant “fertility” treatments. However, I have heard of a few fraternity treatments that resulted in kids…

So then I’m laughing at her statement and warning her it’s going up on my blog immediately, and she says,

You better put a discretion at the end of your blog that says I’m 6 months pregnant and running on little sleep!

Bahahahahaha!!! I think you mean “disclaimer”! Hahaha.  I can’t make this stuff up!

If you play D&D, you should be reading OOTS.

Friends, Nerds, Role-players, lend me your pointy ears!

For several years now (since back when D&D switched from 3rd Edition to 3.5) I’ve been reading the Order of the Stick web-comic.  In fact, the very first comic strip was about that very conversion.  You can start there if you haven’t begun reading yet.

Now, being the fan of the strip that I am, I actually have also purchased all the comic strip compilation books that have been put out.  Every one of these books has extra strips included with the regular storyline and also have some commentary (typically by one of the characters) as well.  Plus, if you’re like me, sometimes it’s just nice to be able to pick up a book and read it and laugh instead of having to be online.

Now, if you check the links, you’ll see that not all of these are available right now.  The company is usually pretty good at getting more in stock, though, so don’t fret too much.  You can probably find them on amazon, but I’m betting it’ll be at scalper’s prices.

So anyway, I assure you that if you play D&D, you WILL find humor in these web comics.  At least check out the online strips and see if you like it.  Trust me, though, the art gets better.  Rich even makes fun of himself in one of the books about it.  🙂  So from one gamer to another… Enjoy!

Simon Pegg hates fast zombies

Here’s a cool article by Shaun of the Dead actor Simon Pegg about why he feels that “fast” zombies are ruining the zombie genre of movie.

A call to the return of slow zombies

From the article:

I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can’t fly; zombies do not run. It’s a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I’ll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.

Makes sense to me, but only if we’re going with actual “undead” zombies and not the “mutated rabies” zombies like in the 28 Days/Weeks later movies (which he addresses as not being actual zombie movies).  Just sayin’.  Read the article.  It’s long, but humorous, and he makes some good points and provides a lot of zombie movie history insight.