Whip it good

So, you all should find this funny.  On Friday of last week we had a surprise room inspection in the barracks.  “Whatever,” says I.  My room was cluttered, but I didn’t think I had anything that would get me in trouble, especially since I didn’t have anything new in there since the last room inspection when there was the hullabaloo about my sai.

Well, apparently someone doing the inspection wasn’t informed that a whip isn’t a weapon, it’s an agricultural tool.  Even though it was sitting out (and funnily commented on by the CDR and 1SG) during the last room inspection, I guess whichever squad leader did my room this time was confused.  My squad leader tells me that when it’s seen, what was IMMEDIATELY thought was that I was a racist.  Yep, I’m a cracker… in the slang historically derogatory sense.

Don’t worry though, it gets better.  My squad leader, trying to make things better (apparently), told me he vouched that I was not a racist and that instead, my whip was a sex toy.  Oh yeah, I said it.  Sex toy.

So instead of being a racist, I’m a kinky sadist… or masochist, take  your pick.  Let’s just go ahead and rule out that it increases eye-hand coordination and reflexes and I like doing tricks with them, such as wraps, volleys, trick-shots, and target cutting.  Nope, I definitely couldn’t just have the whip because I enjoy the sport of whip cracking.  I’ve gotta be either a racist or a kinky bastard.  No other option.

Whip it… whip it good.

Had a fun weekend

Since I’m doing a little blogging, I might as well talk about my long weekend.

Of course, Monday being a federal holiday, we got it off.  I was planning on hanging out in Martinsburg, but with Valentine’s Day, pretty much everyone I would hang out with was occupied.  “So, what to do?” I asked myself.  A phone call later and I had plans to stay with my buddy Mark back in Fairmont!  I did stop in the Burg on my way home so I could give flowers to my mom, sisters, and niece, but then I headed straight for Fairmont.

It was good getting to see my friends again.  It had been a while, and while we didn’t do anything earth-shattering, we still had an enjoyable time.  Mark bought Mercenaries 2 for the PS3.  Let me tell you from first-hand experience… EVERYTHING in that game can blow up, especially with a well-placed tactical nuke.  Also, Mark can’t drive a motorcycle in that game to save his life.

Ryan 2.0 totally had an Obi-Wan beard going on.  It looked pretty cool.  I guess Josh was suppose to have been growing some facial hair, too, but apparently his girlfriend didn’t like the feel.  Silly girls not wanting their faces being rubbed raw…

I dropped off my signed 1st Edition copy of Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia for the guys to check out.  They all have expressed an interest in reading it, but since you can’t buy copies anymore at non-scalper prices, they were going to have to wait for the Baen edition from Amazon.  Well I couldn’t have that!

So even though I was in Fairmont on Valentine’s Day, I totally did not do any mischief.  This is most likely thanks to Mark, but I like to take a little credit for having a little control.  I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, though.  I mean, how would you feel if you knew that a few miles down the road your wife was most likely screwing some other dude?  Yep, not good, that’s how.

Oh, and I also didn’t get to make an emergency run to Buckhannon for some peanut-butter filled crack donuts.  This has made me unhappy, however, my mother (whom is at our family cabin down in Helvetia) said she would stop by on her way home and pick me up a dozen.  Mom for the win!

Anyways, that’s my weekend in a nutshell.  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Know what I took away from this weekend, though?  That if I ever win a free boat ride for three, T-Pain is totally going to be one of my choices.

Keep your powder dry.

Bloody taxes

So, I filed my taxes today.  The wife wanted to change from what we’d been doing (“Married Filing Joint”) and file “Married Filing Separately”, so I pretty much had to comply.  They’re not getting me for tax fraud!  Anyways, I didn’t think it’d change things that much.

I was wrong.

My ass just paid those blood-leeching bastards $599!  Not sure how I ended up owing money, but if I had to pay, she better have to, too!  Otherwise I’ll just be more irritated… and no one wants that.  Ok, maybe I don’t want that.

Damn goverment.

Been a while, so here’s a bone

I’ve had a pretty busy couple weeks and have been feeling a lot more tired than usual lately (read: stress), so I haven’t kept up with my blog as much as I have honestly wanted too.  So here’s a little of what’s been going on in my life that I haven’t said anything about until now, in no particular order.

1.) I saw a rheumatologist about my knee.  I had to push to get the referal from my primary care manager, which pissed me off.  Anyways, she was the nicest, most helpful doctor I think I’ve seen yet about my knee pain (outside of Dr. Cincinnati in Martinsburg).  She said with great certainty that she believes my knee pain is as simply defined as patellofemoral pain syndrome.  Here’s what WebMD has to say about it:

The main symptom of patellofemoral pain syndrome is knee pain, especially when sitting with bent knees, squatting, jumping, or using the stairs (especially going down stairs). You may also experience occasional knee buckling, in which the knee suddenly and unexpectedly gives way and does not support your body weight. A catching, popping, or grinding sensation when walking or with knee movement is also common.

One of the handouts that the doc gave me even stated on it that, “even though you may be experiencing a great deal of pain, you may be told that nothing is wrong with your knee,” or something close to that extent.  That just blew my mind when I read it because, you know, that’s what I’ve been told until now!  She put me in for a referral to physical medicine and I guess we’re gonna try to help me start healing my knee.  My med board is still going through, but at least I hopefully won’t need to walk with a cane forever.

2.) I finally got to ride my motorcycle for the first time since coming home.  Picked it (my red one) up from the shop on this past Saturday.  It’s gonna need a new battery, but for now it’s making due with the battery from my black one.  I think my red one is going to need some more work, though.  It’s got a pinhole rust spot in the bottom of the tank that is leaking mildly, so that’ll need fixed or I’ll just need a new tank.  The black one will probably end up being my main ride.  It’s in awesome condition and I think will run really really well once it gets a tune-up.  I needed to ride, too.  Let me tell you!  It felt so good to be back on two wheels again.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but I bought a jacket from Tony Nowak, the guy who made the jackets for Indy IV (amongst jackets for other movies/stars).  I think I mentioned it… anyway, I got a call from Tony yesterday saying that he shipped it and it should be on its way to me!  I can’t wait to get it!  Tony is such a cool guy.  Very nice, very humble, very personal.  I mention this jacket, though, because I also got another one.  It’s a black denim with interior armor.  Really sweet looking jacket.  It’s made by the sister company of Joe Rocket… but I can’t think of the name (and don’t have the jacket with me here at base).  I’ll probably wear it more in the hot summer months since it’s got vents all over the place and doesn’t have a quilted liner.

Hi, my name’s Ryan, and I’m a jacket junkie…

3.) My stupid little brother joined the Army (not stupid) and also got married (very stupid).  He’s going to be like a cannon crew member, or some such.  He goes to Basic in Georgia, and AIT in Oklahoma, and he leaves next week.  He got married on Sunday.  Just a small “him, her, and a witness” deal.  Apparently they’re planning something bigger later on, but I’d probably place money that it’ll go about as well as my marriage has.  Which brings me to my next number…

4.) Today is my wife’s birthday.  Happy Birthday, TigeR!  Hope you enjoy it with your boyfriend!  Or are you waiting till Saturday so you can just celebrate Valentine’s Day and your birthday all at once?  Seriously though, I hear you’re doing well for yourself, considering.  Working two jobs, with upward movement potential in one of them.  Maybe getting a new(er) car, which is cool.  I’m jealous.  And you do have someone who according to you makes you happy, so good for you!  It doesn’t make any better the fact that you committed adultery, ripped away what I thought were mutual plans for a family of our own, and didn’t show so much as a twinge of emotion about it, but hey, you’ve got a new flavor of the month.  Cool!  Watch out, though… karma is a BITCH.  😀

5.) I had a root canal today.  How’s that for irony, considering the above number?  It went well, considering everything.  Wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but he gave me lots of anesthetic, and I’m currently hopped-up on a couple Vicodin, so take pretty much everything I’ve said so far with a few grains of salt and some tolerance.

Anyways, that’s pretty much what’s been going on with me, lately.  Oh, one more thing, did I mention my sister was pregnant again?  I really need to go back an re-read my own blogs.  I can’t remember what I have and haven’t talked about.  Yeesh.  But yep, she’s due in July.  They don’t know the sex yet, but we’re all hoping for a boy.  Alright, that’s all I’ve got to say right now.  Catch you later.

Keep your powder dry.